Mayunezu Space Ver.7:求めること、感じること

2005/08/09

求めること、感じること

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きっかけは、ほんの小さなことだった。
なんでこんなちっぽけなことで、自分が生きていくことへのやる気がそがれてしまうのか、私には分からない。同時に、がんばれない自分への怒り、焦り、不安ばかりが心を支配して、プラスになる要素が入る隙間がないんじゃないかと思える日々が続いている。

それでもなんとかそういうものを心に入れたくて、ここ数日はずっと何かを求めていた。私にとってプラスになるものが心に入るという確信がほしかった。うれしいと思いたかった。感動したかった。前向きな気持ちになりたかった。家にある本を読み漁ったり、外食をしてみたりしたけれど、むなしい気持ちになるばかりだった。

そんなとき、本屋で一冊の本が目に留まった。
「ガンに生かされて」　飯島夏樹
この人のことは、テレビで見て知っていた。
オビを見て今年亡くなったのだと知って、読んでみようという気になった。

私には、ずっと同じ話を聞かされているように思えた。
この人は、求めていない。感じているのだ。
起こったことを自分の心で受け止め、頭で考えて、文字にしているだけだ。
それがとても単純で、普通で、難しいことだということが、とてもよく分かった。

ハワイの夕焼けを美しいと思える。家族との暮らしをうれしいと思える。自分がガンになったことさえ幸せだと思える。置かれた状況から、プラスになることを見つけ出している。今回この本を求めたように、自分が置かれた状況以外のところから、無理やりプラスになることを探そうとしている私とは違う。

自然に何かを感じ取って生きていきたい。
ないものを求めてばかりいるのではなくて。
本来、人はそうやって生きていけるはずだと思う。

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by Ijsjdkmg 2009.07.14 09:13

私はもともとテレビが好きじゃなくて、日常生活の中では自分の意思で見ることはほとんどありません。へこんだときはあらゆる外部情報がいやになるので、布団にもぐります（苦笑）

ちなみに漫画もだめなんですが^^;、「ワンピース」という作品自体は聞いたことはあります。（漫画を全く知らない）私が聞いたことがあるということは、きっと名作なのでしょう。もし機会があったら、読んでみます。

by Mayunezu 2005.08.18 14:08

マイナスな気持ちを外から入れたくないとき、テレビから入ってくる怒濤のような言葉はへこむ気持ちの原因だった気がする。
テレビもラジオも本も読まないでぴよぴよ泣いて暮らしてる時、なんと漫画のワンピースでずいぶん心が安らいだ。
前向きにひたすら人生を楽しむのってすごい（笑）
もし、機会があったりいやでなければ読んでみて。

by かず 2005.08.11 15:54

Since 1997.6　Managed by Mayunezu.
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