Mayunezu Space Ver.7:言葉を「置く」ために戻ってきた。

2007/05/01

言葉を「置く」ために戻ってきた。

「自然にわき上がった言葉だけを書く」
このサイトは、そういうことをすごく意識して作ってた。自分の「こころ」に一番近い距離で生まれた言葉をなんとかサイトに上げられないかと思ってた。

かつてのそんな気持ちを、私はすっかり忘れていた。
1999年〜2000年、毎日更新していたころは、本当にいろんな（見知らぬ）人と心からの会話をしていた。今思うとそれがどんなに幸せなことだったか。

多分忘れたきっかけは、2003年10月にこのサイトをBlog化したこと。私がそれまでやってきたことは間違いなくBlogで実現しやすいことだったけれど、自分のサイトの空気が変わったのを感じた。

Blogは比較的自由にデザインができるし、Blogにする以前も私はフリーの日記CGIを使っていたので、大して環境は変わっていないはずなのに、「自分のサイトがBlogでできている」というだけで、なんだか息苦しくなった。理由がずっと分からなかったけれど、つい最近、やっとそれに気づいた。

それまでは、サイトという場所に対して言葉を置いていく感覚があった。Blogになってから、サイトという箱に言葉を埋め込むような感覚になった。私はそれに、ぼんやりと違和感を持っていた。

先日私は久しぶりに「わき上がった言葉」をそのまま、公開しているBlogに書き留めた。（私としては）ものすごい反響だった。人は誰かの言葉に心が響いたら、何かその証拠を残そうとする。私はその「証拠」と会話をするのが好きだった。そういえば、そうだった。

そういうことを思い出したから、言葉にできたから、このサイトに戻ってきた。きっとこれからは、ここにも言葉を「置ける」ようになるような気がする。

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