2005/05/21
いじめっ子・いじめられっ子

もしも自分の子どもが、「いじめっ子」と「いじめられっ子」のどちらかの立場にしかなれないとしたら、どちらのほうが親としてうれしいか?という話題になった(まあどちらもうれしくないのだが、ここは究極の選択という意味で)。
※ここで言う「いじめっ子」とは、意図的に特定の人に対していやがらせ(靴を隠すとか)をするようなものを指し、「気付いたらそういう立場だった」のようなものは含まない。「いじめられっ子」はその逆のみを指す。

「いじめっ子」も「いじめられっ子」もどちらも経験していないだんなは、「いじめっ子」と答えた。「いじめられっ子」を経験している私は、「いじめられっ子」と答えた。
「いじめっ子」のほうがいろんな意味で強いから、大人になっても強く生きていけるのではないか、と言うだんなと、「いじめられっ子」なら人に対して危害を加えたりしない可能性が高いから、犯罪などの決定的な過ちを犯さないのではないか、と言う私。

「いじめっ子」のほうが、もしかしたら将来成功を収めたりするのかもしれない。でも「いじめられっ子」のほうが、もしかしたら穏やかで平和なのかもしれない。

結局は、親が子どもに対して何を「幸せ」だと伝えていくかということなのだろうなと思った。まだ見ぬ私たちの子どもに、私たちは何を伝えられるだろう。

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by Vxtvkmng 2009.07.15 11:13

>tomoka
いやいや、大丈夫。
tomokaの思うことは良く分かる。というか私も同意。
「向き合って一緒に話せる」関係になりたいというのはとても思います。きっとそれは、ものすごく難しいことなんだとも思うけれど(私がそうじゃなかったからね・・・)。

by Mayunezu 2005.06.07 12:43

あ…、後で見返してみたら、カキコが話の主題からそれてしまっておりました。

ごめんね(汗)。

by tomoka 2005.06.06 22:42

そうね、その場に出て行っちゃったらひどくなるのもわかってる。

あたしがしてあげようと思っているのは、「そこだけがあなたの世界の全てじゃないんだ」ってことを教えてあげること。
現状をどうしたらいいかってことを、向き合って一緒に話すこと。

自分の場合、引っ越して転校できるタイミングもあったのに、まともに取り合ってもらえなかった、向き合ってもらえなかったから。

「幸せにしてあげよう」なんて、大それたことは思わないです。
幸せにはなって欲しいし、幸せを感じて欲しいけれど。
少しでも、その手助けができればいいかな、と。

by tomoka 2005.06.05 20:43

>tomoka
私は、親になったことがないので「守る」ということがちょっと完璧に理解はできていないのかもしれないのだけど。
私はいじめられていたとき、親には何もしてほしくなかったのです。守ってほしくなかった。何もしないでほしかった。親が出てくれば、自分が余計いじめられるのがわかってたから。
だから自分で立ち直るしかない。自分が強くならなきゃいけない。強くなきゃ、人は生きていけないんだって、小学校1年生の小さな心の中で思ったものでした。

気に入らない人を傷つけてのし上がるような人間にはなってほしくない。でも強い人にはなってほしい。
「強くて優しい人」って言うのは簡単だけど、そんな人はそんなにいるもんじゃないよね。どうしたらそんな人になれるんだろう。幸せにしてあげられるんだろう・・・。

by Mayunezu 2005.06.05 14:56

初カキコですが、これについては思うところあって長文です ^^;

人の心の痛みが分からない奴は、ろくな人間にはならない。…と私は信じています。
小学生の頃、自分の腕に上履き型のあざをくっつけたり、机の引き出しに画鋲を貼り付けたりした奴ら、ちょっと知的障害のある子を寄ってたかってからかってた奴ら…。
将来どうなるかっていうよりも、「今」、そんな子供にはなって欲しくないと思いますよ。

少し前に日テレでいじめについての討論番組をやっていてね、やっぱり「いじめられる側にも隙とか欠点とかがあるから悪いんだ」なんて意見もあったけどね、最後の方で、「いくらその(いじめられる)子にむかつくところがあったりしても、だからといって『いじめていい理由』はないってことに気がついた」と元いじめっ子が発言してたのを見て、「おぉそうだよな」って、改めて気がつきました。
合わないとかむかつくから、敢えて近寄らないようにするっていうのは大人でもある普通のこと。
でも、そういう理由で、ましてや集団で、「人を傷つけていいのか」っていうと、それは「否」なんだよね。
当たり前なのに、結構見えなくなりがちなことだな~と思いました、はい。

うちのぴよ(7ヶ月)には、「もし自分が傷ついても、人を傷つけるようなことはするな。自分がされて嫌なことは、人にはするんじゃない。」と言い聞かせて育てたいと思っています。
当たり前の事なのに、最近の世の中では忘れ去られているようなことって感じですやね…。

いじめられたらあたしとだんなが守ってあげるよ(またこれも難しい問題ではあるけれど…)。
親には守ってもらえなかった一子供(いちこども)として、どうして欲しかったのかは覚えているつもりだから。

by tomoka 2005.06.04 21:29
おなまえ
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